MUNCIE, INDIANA - Yes, you've read the title right. Someone took a shit in a StuWest shower. We're serious. This may be the one piece we write that's not satire--it's that bad. Word of the shitting first circulated YikYak today, referenced when a student reposted a list of the residence halls. The post was captioned "After someone shit in the showers at StuWest, it is easily the most chaotic". This incident has been confirmed by a leaked GroupMe message posted to Barstool Ball State , reading in part "We are all legal adults and there should be no reason why we are leaving feces in the showers. If another incident like this occurs, we will be having a mandatory meeting about this to discuss fines and other actions taken by the University." View this post on Instagram A post shared by Barstool Ball State (@barstoolballst) Barstool also posted a blurred-out photo of the shit, however we will not be embedding that on our platform....

  MUNCIE, INDIANA - After Bus Operations gutted TransLoc bus tracking, BSnUws received word that the buses now run on "thoughts and prayers". Instead of using TransLoc to locate where the nearest bus is and which direction its headed, students now have to pray to Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for a bus to arrive "between 20 minutes and 20 hours". It's unclear how Christ distributes buses to students and how he distributes the right one. Some students who've prayed for the Red Loop have received the Blue Loop, and some who've prayed for the Purple Loop have received a Muncie Indiana Transit System (MITS) bus going off campus instead. We spoke with a pastor at a nearby church, who said that we "get what we get" and we "can't control his plan for us, even if we think we need something else". A member of the BSnUws legal team has questioned the constitutionality of relying on prayer for a bus. "What about those who follow oth...

  MUNCIE, INDIANA - There's a lot to see in Muncie. Alumni may remember Frog Baby, however a new frog has entered the city. Although he hasn't released an official name, campus has started refering to him as "Frog Boy". Blowing up on social media platforms Snapchat and Yikyak, Frog Boy, a freshman, has made a name for himself before classes have even started. BSnUws was able to track down, contact, and secure an exclusive interview with Frog Boy via Instagram. You can only find this interview right here, right now, on BSnUws.blogspot.com. BSnUws (BSn): "First things first, what inspired you to wear the legendary frog hat? Is it a fashion statement? A lifestyle? Something more?" Frog Boy (FB): " So back in January my friends got me into airsoft, and I wanted to make an impression, so I bought the frog hat. Definitely made an impression also a fitness influencer named mexipinofit on Instagram inspired me as well. But it was just a gag in high school...

  MUNCIE, INDIANA - We did it. We're The Simpsons of Ball State. We successfully predicted something, and it actually happened. The photo above was posted today (August 15th, 2024) anonymously to YikYak, showing The Atrium with a minimalistic millennial vibe. The once-iconic signs as a symbol of Ball State's campus with big names like Boar's Head, Papa John's, and Chik-Fil-A Express now stands plain black arial font text, reading the names of locations.   The image displays there to be a bar, mac and potatoes, revolving cuisine, and--no longer The McKinley Grille, but--The Grill. But guess what: We predicted that days ago. Seriously. In our satire report McKinley Grille Honors Bacon Cheese Fries, Renamed "Grill" (posted August 7th, 2024), we predicted that the University would rename the McKinley Grille to Grill. "There’s nothing 'McKinley' about us without our Bacon Cheese Fries", a Grill (formerly known as McKinley Grille) worker express...

  MUNCIE, INDIANA - Tonight, a BSnUws Muncie correspondent caught the moment when Ball State mascot Charlie Cardinal fell down at Worthen Arena, then got back up like nothing happened. The exclusive video is available to stream below and on our Instagram @BSnUws . View this post on Instagram A post shared by BSnUws (@bsnuws)

  MUNCIE, INDIANA - On Instagram, Ball State Dining announced that The Atrium dining hall, located inside the AJ building, is switching to a new all-you-can-fit model. For one meal swipe or $9.45, you'll be provided a soda cup and a container. Anything you can fit, as long as the lid closes, is yours! Sounds too good to be true? It is. "We have exciting news to share! Based on your feedback, The Atrium has been transformed into a one-trip 'all-you-can-fit' eatery", the University posted on Instagram.  However, the big takeout container pictured in the post isn't what's being served. We sent a BSnUws Muncie correspondent to The Atrium. It's closed this week, however BSnUws was able to obtain press access. Walking thru the process, our correspondent reported that after swiping the BSnUws company card, she was provided with a soda cup and a 3-ounce Dixie cup, like the ones used for mouthwash. When we asked if it was for the drink, we were told "That...

MUNCIE, INDIANA – In the wake of the tragic assassination of the beloved Bacon Cheese Fries, Ball State University has made the controversial decision to rename the McKinley Grille. Effective immediately, the campus eatery will now be known simply as "Grill." "There’s nothing 'McKinley' about us without our Bacon Cheese Fries", a Grill (formerly known as McKinley Grille) worker expressed to BSnUws. "Bacon Cheese, McKinley...they sound alike, right? So to honor our fallen fries, it’s just Grill now." The rebranding was marked by the swift replacement of the iconic McKinley Grille sign. In its place, a minimalist Arial font sign with the word "Grill" in stark white text now greets diners. The change has sparked mixed reactions among the student body, with some appreciating the minimalist aesthetic, while others mourn the loss of a campus icon and tradition. To show how ridiculous most places are after a tragedy, BSnUws is selling "Fr...

  MUNCIE, INDIANA - Tragedy has struck the Ball State community after its beloved Bacon Cheese Fries were assassinated by an irate professor earlier this afternoon. The professor, seen chewing a pack of 5 Gum, reached his breaking point over a simple, yet fateful, menu mix-up. "I saw him pacing back and forth, chewing on gum like there was no tomorrow," said a nearby diner. "He kept muttering something about 'baked cheese fries,' not 'bacon cheese fries.' I thought he was just having a bad day, but then things got really wild!" According to surveillance video, the professor appeared to order baked cheese fries, only to receive the beloved bacon cheese fries instead. The minor mix-up led to a major outrage that no one could ever predict. The professor was seen reaching into their pocket, pulling out a KitchenAid 5-Speed Ultra Power Hand Mixer, plugging it into the outlet behind the food counter, shoving it into the beloved cheese fries, and turning it...

INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA - As '81 Charlie Cardinal is still hospitalized , a verified anonymous source sent a heavily redacted copy of the record to BSnUws, consisting of the full government name for Charlie Cardinal. You will never find a report like this anywhere else! We're breaking the news before every other network! This is a groundbreaking, potentially-invasive story on a mascot! If you see this story anywhere else, its fake news!   The name you're about to hear is the most ridiculous name ever named in the history of names! Once you read this name, you'll think it'll be worth reading all this unrelated text! You could've watched some TV, you could've read a book, but no! You went to BSnUws.blogspot.com, clicked our dopamine-catching headline, and read this far! And for that, we have a name to deliver. Right here, right now. Charlie's government name is Charlington Chucklechirp Cardinal . A BSnUws reporter entered the hospital room, inquiring Mr. Cha...

 INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA - A representative from Ball State Alumni Services has shared an update on '81 Charlie Cardinal following an unexpected incident at the Indiana State Fair. This year, Ball State sponsored the Skyride, offering free admission to all Charlie Cardinals. Eyewitnesses report that '81 Charlie purchased a drink from a vendor. The exact contents of the drink remain a mystery, but it was noted to be "sparkling" and had an "unusual aroma". Shortly after consuming it, '81 Charlie reportedly experienced an unfortunate collapse. Exclusive footage from a local news network shows the other Charlie Cardinals attempting to assist '81 Charlie, "flying him" towards a Downtown Indianapolis hospital. Unfortunately, the network has yet to release the footage publicly, so we can't share it. The hospital, which we cannot name due to medical privacy regulations, has not issued an official statement. However, a source who wishes to remains...

  MUNCIE, INDIANA - Inspired by the old MyPlate initiative pushed in K-12 schools, Ball State Dining has taken inspiration, making groundbreaking changes to The Atrium. These changes include less availability at Vivimos, an additional salad bar, and the most important meal of the day no longer being served. A post circulating Instagram and YikYak from a student food reviewer shows that that Vivimos is now part of the "Rotating Cuisine" menu, only offering burritos, burrito bowls and nachos. A salad bar was also introduced. Breakfast, however, is no longer an option. A spokesperson for University Dining told BSnUws that they were "inspired by Becoming by Michelle Obama" to "implement the classic MyPlate standards from back in our day". "The MyPlate program states we only have to give our scholars 2 cups of fruit, 2 and a half cups of vegetables, 6 ounces of whole grain, 5 and a half ounces of protein, and 3 cups of milk for what we offer to be consid...

MUNCIE, INDIANA - BSnUws has officially launched! We’re excited to be your source of satirical news for everything Ball State. At BSnUws, we take everything seriously--seriously enough to turn it into a joke! Our mission? To entertain you with the most absurd takes on current events. Now, let’s talk about our corporate office--the so-called "BSnUws Tower". While it might not quite reach the heights of Shafer Tower, our six-story building located in the middle of nowhere sure is more stylish! It may not be OSHA-compliant (we’re still negotiating the details), but with its its chic, contemporary vibe and walls that scream the color of your millennial mother’s walls, it’s got a unique charm that fits our brand perfectly. Got a story idea, rant, or even a lunch order? We’d love to hear from you, our readers! DM or tag us @BSnUws on Instagram, and you might just see us use your inspiration in our next happy little accident.