INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA - As '81 Charlie Cardinal is still hospitalized, a verified anonymous source sent a heavily redacted copy of the record to BSnUws, consisting of the full government name for Charlie Cardinal.
You will never find a report like this anywhere else! We're breaking the news before every other network! This is a groundbreaking, potentially-invasive story on a mascot! If you see this story anywhere else, its fake news!
The name you're about to hear is the most ridiculous name ever named in the history of names! Once you read this name, you'll think it'll be worth reading all this unrelated text! You could've watched some TV, you could've read a book, but no! You went to BSnUws.blogspot.com, clicked our dopamine-catching headline, and read this far! And for that, we have a name to deliver. Right here, right now.
Charlie's government name is Charlington Chucklechirp Cardinal.
A BSnUws reporter entered the hospital room, inquiring Mr. Charlington on the history and meaning behind his newsworthy name. The reporter is now seeking medical care due to what has been described as "a blow to the head". BSnUws is still investigating why our reporter has been injured at this hour.