UPD Alleged to Appoint Peppa Pig as New Officer Amid Upcoming Protest

MUNCIE, Ind. - In a last-ditch effort to gain good press before the academic year ends, the Ball State University Police Department (UPD) alleged to appoint children’s TV star Peppa Pig as a new officer.

This decision follows the arrest of five protesters at a previous board meeting, in addition to having four UPD cars parked outside the Administration Building during a flash protest supporting diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) initiatives that the university has cut.

     Some students view UPD as out-of-touch and doing too much.

   So, what does UPD do to fix their reputation? Hire Peppa Pig. Despite failing her training and writing "I love muddy puddles" on every question for her entry exam, Peppa somehow got the job.

   The hire comes ahead of a May 2nd protest regarding DEI cuts, Board Member Brian Gallagher, and the university’s financial investments in Cisco and Carlyle. The board meeting is on the last weekday students have to move out of dorms, limiting attendance.

   Public records show Peppa Pig isn’t listed as a university employee. An anonymous source says Peppa has been paid a week's worth of confiscated paraphernalia, sent to her UK address. Meanwhile, Peppa’s publicist, Mummy Pig, denies any involvement, stating Peppa received nothing and will stay in the United Kingdom.

   “The claim that my daughter would do any of that shit is egregious,” said Mummy Pig. “Peppa does not like drugs, drinking, or blood. SHE LIKES APPLE PIE, BAKING COOKIES, AND HER FRIENDS!”

   BSn also reached out to Peppa directly, who simply replied “No” when asked about the appointment.

   Despite UPD’s proud claim that Peppa will arrive by first-class mail on May 1st, tracking info suggests the package weighs only 79 grams—the weight of a DVD in a case—and was sent from “Police Pepper’s Pig Farm Ltd.” in the UK. When contacted, the farm confirmed they sent a DVD of their pet pig, Pepper.

"We're named that because our volunteer farm is ran by police officers," they said. "It's wild that someone in law enforcement would believe our farm would offer a children's TV character as an actual police officer! But hey, money's money."

A Campus Celebrity: BSnUws Exclusive Interview with Frog Boy

MUNCIE, INDIANA - There's a lot to see in Muncie. Alumni may remember Frog Baby, however a new frog has entered the city. Although he hasn't released an official name, campus has started refering to him as "Frog Boy". Blowing up on social media platforms Snapchat and Yikyak, Frog Boy, a freshman, has made a name for himself before classes have even started. BSnUws was able to track down, contact, and secure an exclusive interview with Frog Boy via Instagram. You can only find this interview right here, right now, on BSnUws.blogspot.com. BSnUws (BSn): "First things first, what inspired you to wear the legendary frog hat? Is it a fashion statement? A lifestyle? Something more?" Frog Boy (FB): " So back in January my friends got me into airsoft, and I wanted to make an impression, so I bought the frog hat. Definitely made an impression also a fitness influencer named mexipinofit on Instagram inspired me as well. But it was just a gag in high school...

BSnUws Starts Sharing Satire Stories

MUNCIE, INDIANA - BSnUws has officially launched! We’re excited to be your source of satirical news for everything Ball State. At BSnUws, we take everything seriously--seriously enough to turn it into a joke! Our mission? To entertain you with the most absurd takes on current events. Now, let’s talk about our corporate office--the so-called "BSnUws Tower". While it might not quite reach the heights of Shafer Tower, our six-story building located in the middle of nowhere sure is more stylish! It may not be OSHA-compliant (we’re still negotiating the details), but with its its chic, contemporary vibe and walls that scream the color of your millennial mother’s walls, it’s got a unique charm that fits our brand perfectly. Got a story idea, rant, or even a lunch order? We’d love to hear from you, our readers! DM or tag us @BSnUws on Instagram, and you might just see us use your inspiration in our next happy little accident.

The Atrium to Follow MyPlate Standards, Limiting Vivimos and Adding Salad Bar

MUNCIE, INDIANA - Inspired by the old MyPlate initiative pushed in K-12 schools, Ball State Dining has taken inspiration, making groundbreaking changes to The Atrium. These changes include less availability at Vivimos, an additional salad bar, and the most important meal of the day no longer being served. A post circulating Instagram and YikYak from a student food reviewer shows that that Vivimos is now part of the "Rotating Cuisine" menu, only offering burritos, burrito bowls and nachos. A salad bar was also introduced. Breakfast, however, is no longer an option. A spokesperson for University Dining told BSnUws that they were "inspired by Becoming by Michelle Obama" to "implement the classic MyPlate standards from back in our day". "The MyPlate program states we only have to give our scholars 2 cups of fruit, 2 and a half cups of vegetables, 6 ounces of whole grain, 5 and a half ounces of protein, and 3 cups of milk for what we offer to be consid...

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