MUNCIE, INDIANA - Rarely can you find free papers when it's not April 20th. But on October 2nd, you could; A courtesy of the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints.
This morning, YikYak, which is under scrutiny for protecting homophobes and predators on the platform, was flooded with warnings and memes regarding an off-campus religious entity on our campus, blocking sidewalks, yelling at passersby, and handing out free papers. You know, the papers you use to roll your ✨imported oregano✨.
This comes after a group of Mormons were visibly upset and protesting against the Emens Auditorium showing of The Book of Mormon. Looking back on the incident as a bad PR move, the Church has been taking numerous steps to gain support from our generation. And, somehow, they landed at the corner of party culture and stereotypes.
Outside North Dining stood an elderly man wearing a white button-up and tight black pants. Next to him sat a cardboard box, covered with a thin sheet of saran wrap. "Good morning, Ball State!", shouted the man. "Do you want to see our lord and savior?", he said, gesturing towards the box.
As several students walked past and no one stopped for an hour, the man tore off the saran wrap from the box, revealing the miniature copies of the Book of Mormon. Waving them in the air, he screamed "Free papers! Get your free papers! Party tonight or something, I don't give a fuck! But you'll need papers to light up! And I got them for free! But maybe read them before you light them?"
In seconds, the man was crowded. After all, ✨imported oregano✨ has to go in something!
Other Mormons surrounding the BSU campus adopted the same strategy. By noon, the papers--I mean copies of the religious literature--were all gone.
BSnUws spoke with the Mormon, who requested we don't use his name, on why he did it.
"Gen Z's weird as fuck", said the Mormon. "The Church doesn't even care how we get the word out, as long as it does. If that means we hand out mini-copies of our book for you to read now and smoke later, that's how its gotta be!"
Allegedly, The Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints has plans on changing its abbreviation from LDS to LSD to appeal to the youth. The Church has yet to comment on the matter.
Some students are...maybe too appreciative of the Mormons.
"Thanks to them, I don't gotta go to the shop!", said one student happily. "They be charging hella for papers...but the Mormons print on the same thin-ass pages...and they didn't ask for ID!"
Others think the incident was something of SNL.
"What the fuck was going on this morning?", inquired another student. "Like y'all do what you wanna do, but the fact the Mormons stooped that low is insane."
The University has yet to release a statement confirming or denying if the Mormons were allowed on the premises, or if any trespasses were issued.