MUNCIE, Ind. - In a breakthrough that will be studied by engineers, philosophers, and overworked resident assistants for years to come, the residents on one floor of Beyerl Hall have finally grasped the intricacies of operating a window.       This revelation comes after increased surveillance in the hallway, due to the persistent aroma of the aftermath of smoke. READ ALSO:  Mormons Hand Out Free Papers to Appeal to the Youth     Enter Micnelius Softique, CEO of Microsoft Windows, who, upon sensing distress in his Defender antivirus soul, literally fell out of the fuckin sky. With a thud so loud that all residents bolted to the floors kitchenette, Mr. Softique fell straight through the roof, landing in the kitchenette, where, moments later, he unveiled his greatest contribution to humanity since Clippy:       A five-minute micro-course on, get this: Opening a window.      "Aight, look at...